


Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets

by makesomelove



Category: Disney RPF, Jonas Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Daddy Issues, M/M, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-13
Updated: 2010-08-13
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:46:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesomelove/pseuds/makesomelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin is the sad, lonely son of an ambassador. He doesn't know anything about what his dad does, and he doesn't care, although he doesn't really care about much of anything these days. That is until Zac, an old acquaintance, randomly shows up on his doorstep, and they quickly strike up a relationship. But was Zac's appearance so random? LOOSELY inspired by the song "Diplomat's Son" by Vampire Weekend. (Note: Not as serious as it sounds.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets

It's about to thunderstorm, so that means Kevin's parents start fucking. He noticed the pattern a while ago - something about gale force winds and heavy rain apparently really turns them on. Maybe it's the extra layer of protection the clouds give from God's eyes that makes them feel like they're allowed to go at it. Kevin doesn't know if there's a vent connecting his bedroom upstairs directly to theirs on the first floor or what, but he can always hear them. One time, when he was younger, he went to investigate the noises coming from their bedroom -- it sounded like his mom was trapped underneath something, which he supposes she was -- and he saw things no child should ever have to see.

Kevin can't stand to sit there in his room and be tortured by the sound of his parents having sex, so as soon as he hears the first clap of thunder and the first droplets of rain, he gets out of bed and gets dressed again, slipping on a pair of gaucho pants he inherited from his mother. From certain angles it looks like he's wearing a skirt, but he doesn't really care because it feels like he's wearing nothing but air when he wears them.

He expertly maneuvers around the quicksand piles of dishes and trash and clothes both clean and dirty in his room - it's all been there for a while, and he could get out of it blindfolded - and makes his way downstairs as loudly as he can, to remind his parents that they're not alone. They don't seem to mind, because they don't stop. Kevin hates it when his parents think he's clueless. He knows perfectly well what they're doing. He turns the back porch light on and goes out to sit in a chair under an awning on the deck, waiting for the rain to pick up. The ocean is right behind their house, along with the other dozen houses on either side of them. Kevin leans his head back and listens to the waves fucking each other instead.

It starts raining heavily, and then there's a flash of lightning in the distance. There's a bonfire going on the beach a couple houses down from Kevin's, cars pulled right up onto the beach, young people everywhere. There are always bonfires going on the beach at night. The bigger the fire, the more illegal things go on around them. The more well-lit, the more illicit. Kevin thinks that's kind of backwards. He's never really been interested in going to one of those bonfires.

As soon as the lightning shows itself, the people gathered around the fire scatter. Kevin can see them running towards different houses, towards driveways. He's surprised when someone runs up to his house.

"Hey!" Some guy runs all the way up the stairs and directly onto the deck, his feet slapping wetly against the wood. He's got a towel covering his head and he's not wearing anything but a pair of underwear.

"Hello," Kevin says, standing up politely. "Can I help you?"

The guy peeks out from underneath his towel shield. Kevin can see that his hair is soaking wet and there are drops of water clinging to his body. It's not that warm out, so he must be freezing to death. "Hey, I'm sorry, I saw someone was up here and I was just wondering if I could stand here for a while until this rain lets up."

"Oh, sure," Kevin says. "I guess that's fine."

"Kevin Jonas?"

"Yes?" Kevin says.

"Zac Efron!" He throws his towel behind him and comes at Kevin with his arms outstretched. Kevin has to think for only a second before he remembers Zac. He was only the most popular person in the world, when they were at school together. He was friends with a lot of Kevin's peers, and they'd had a few conversations. Zac always thought it was so cool that Kevin's dad was an ambassador, and Kevin thought it was cool that Zac was from California.

"Zac?" Kevin says. He throws his arms around Zac and hugs him, slapping him on the back. The water on Zac's body transfers over onto Kevin's, making goosebumps rise on Kevin's skin. "What are you doing out here?"

"Oh, you know," Zac says. "Party-going and whatnot. I'm working downtown, but I know a couple people up here on the beach. Now I know a few, huh? I almost didn't recognize you through your beard!"

"Oh, yeah," Kevin says, rubbing a hand against his jaw. Crumbs fall out of his beard and onto his shirt, and he tries to brush them off casually. "I grew it out - well, I didn't really grow it, it just kind of - grew."

"It looks good," Zac says. "It's like, nice and full. All I can grow are little wisps."

"Thanks," Kevin says. He's glad for his lopsided beard of complete neglect at this time, because he blushes stupidly. So his face grows hair and somebody likes it. Mellow out, Jonas.

"Hey, did you hear Ashley is pregnant with her step-brother's baby?" Zac bursts out excitedly.

"No! Ugh, are you kidding me?"

"No, man. Isn't that crazy? It's hilarious how Maury Povich rich people can be."

"Yeah," Kevin says, because that's the truth.

"So what're you doing out here in the rain?" Zac says.

"Just getting some fresh air," Kevin says. "Haven't been out in a while, since I left school."

"I know! I haven't seen you."

A massive clap of thunder drowns out everything, and Zac jumps. They wait for it to fade before resuming conversation.

"I'm kind of a pussy," Zac says, making a face at himself, like, how do you solve a problem like pussiness? "I would throw up during thunderstorms when I was a kid. I don't throw up anymore, but they still freak me out."

"It's okay," Kevin says. "Nick used to watch the Weather Channel obsessively to see if a storm was coming."

"Oh fuck, me too! Where are your brothers now anyway? They were always trying to follow you around to your classes."

"They're at school in Scotland."

"Like Harry Potter Scotland?"

"Yeah, but Harry Potter calls me sometimes." Zac starts shivering noticably and hopping in place. "Oh, do you want to come inside and dry off? I can probably get you a fresh towel."

"That would be great," Zac says.

Kevin leads the way inside. He can't hear anything coming from his parents' room, but the presence of another person softens all the sound in the house. Zac stands still in the doorway for a long moment and looks around the room, past the room, like he's a satellite trying to make a map, probably disoriented in a house he doesn't know.

"Would you like a tour?" Kevin says.

"Maybe later," Zac says.

Kevin leads Zac upstairs to the bathroom and gets a clean towel for him out of the linen closet.

"Here you are," Kevin says, flapping the towel out of its foldedness and handing it off to Zac.

"Thank you," Zac says. He rubs it over his hair until his hair is a tangled mess and then wraps it around his goosefleshed shoulders.

"Do you want like, a shirt? I can let you borrow one," Kevin says.

"Could you?" Zac says. "I seem to have left mine outside, and it's raining."

Kevin takes Zac to his bedroom. He thinks he should apologize for his room being an absolute death trap, especially after Zac gets his foot caught on a pair of underwear on the floor, but he doesn't really care that much. This is how he is. Zac sits on the bed and wraps himself more snugly in his towel while Kevin searches through his closet for a nice warm shirt. He doesn't have that many, because they live on a beach that's hot all year round, but sometimes his mom will have a hot flash and crank the air way up, so he likes to keep a few cozy things around. He finds a black cashmere turtleneck and tosses it over to Zac.

"Thanks," Zac says. "This feels nice."

"Cashmere," Kevin says.

"Oh my," Zac says. He shrugs off the towel and slips the sweater on. It's a little baggy on him while it tends to fit Kevin like a slightly overly snug glove. If Joe is around and Kevin's wearing that sweater, he'll poke Kevin in the stomach and tell him he loves Kevin's pouch, and Kevin will punch him in the kidney. He misses his brothers; he's glad suddenly to have Zac here, somebody he's familiar with and yet doesn't want to get away from. He finds a fresh pair of pajama pants in his dresser for Zac to wear too. Zac openly takes off his wet underwear in front of Kevin to put them on. Kevin openly doesn't look away while he does it.

"I like the pants you have on," Zac comments. "Are those gauchos?"

"Yeah. Listen," Kevin says. He needs to get off the subject of the clothes he's wearing, because he's wearing his mother's old gauchos. _Who wants to fuck me?_ , he thinks. Nobody, he imagines. "I don't want to send you back out in that. Why don't you stay the night here? We have like three guest rooms."

"Are you sure?" Zac says. "I don't want to bother anybody."

"You wouldn't be," Kevin says, though he's fairly sure it'll bother his dad, which is partially what Kevin is hoping for. Partially, he wants Zac to stay the night with him. Thunder rolls in from the ocean, slowly, and vibrates in the floorboards.

"Do you mind if I sleep in here with you?" Zac says.

 

~*~

 

The storm eventually calms down and turns into nothing but a gentle, soothing rain. Kevin still can't fall asleep. He's been sleeping for like 16 hours every day because he has nothing else to do besides eat, like a large jungle cat, but now he can't sleep.

"It's quiet in here," Zac says. He's curled up in a ball on Kevin's bed, with his knees up and his arms folded against his chest like he's holding on to something.

"Too quiet," Kevin says. Kevin usually sleeps on his back with his arms as spread out as possible. He doesn't know why it's comfortable to him, but it is. His mother says he's been sleeping like that since he was in the womb. He's not asleep yet, though, so he lays on his side to face Zac. "You can scoot closer if you want - if you're cold or anything."

Zac scoots over immediately, like he was just waiting for Kevin's invitation.

"I'm freezing," Zac says. "Like once I get cold it takes me forever to warm back up."

"Maybe you have an iron deficiency," Kevin says.

He unfurls Zac's cold fingers from their fists and holds them loosely in his own. He holds them like people do when they slow dance together. He never gets cold hands himself, probably because he has big meaty sausage fingers.

Zac sighs and digs his head deeper into the pillow they're now sharing. "Thank you."

Maybe Kevin's always thought Zac was incredibly attractive. Maybe, when they'd pass by each other on campus or when Kevin would listen in on important conversations Zac would have with his friends about things Kevin's dad would talk about, Kevin would find it almost physically painful to look at Zac because of how beautiful he was. Zac always seems way smarter than him, and he's obviously beyond out of Kevin's league. Of all the porch lights in the entire world, Zac had to be attracted to his, like a moth with an incredible, mostly-naked body that is now pressed to his.

Kevin falls asleep with Zac's arm fit snugly over his waist.

 

~*~

 

They get dressed - Kevin fishes a pair of shorts Zac can borrow out of his sea of clothes on the floor - and go downstairs for breakfast. Dad is making omelettes, and Mom is reading the morning newspaper.

"Morning everyone," Kevin says. "This is my friend Zac."

"Good morning, sweetheart," Mom says. "Hello, Zac. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Jonas. Hope you don't mind my staying here for the night - I got caught outside in the storm and ran into Kevin here."

"Not at all, not at all," Mom says. "Any friend of Kevin's is welcome."

Dad stays quiet and chooses to focus on his omelettes on the stove.

"Hello, Ambassador, sir," Zac says.

"Hello," Dad says.

"Kevin's told me a lot about you. We used to go to school together."

"Oh, wow!" Mom says. "What a happy coincidence! Isn't that nice, Paul?"

"That's nice," Dad says.

"I'm sure Paul wouldn't mind whipping up an extra omelette for you, Zac," Mom says, glancing carefully at Dad.

"I would love one, ma'am, Zac says.

Kevin's dad serves up breakfast. Everyone sits down. Zac sits in Dad's usual chair, so Dad has to sit on the opposite side of the table. He seems incredibly perturbed by this. Kevin loves it, and digs into his omelette cheerfully.

Halfway through the meal and after many minutes of silence, Zac reaches over and picks some egg out of Kevin's beard. He pops it into his own mouth. Kevin continues eating. Mom is gazing at them like they're a couple of adorable baby birds.

"You really should shave, Kevin," Mom says. "You look like a hobo."

"A what?" Dad snaps his head up from his plate for first time since he sat down.

"A bum," Mom says. She exchanges an easy smile with Kevin and Zac each. "And you're not. That's such a lovely sweater, Zac, where did you get it?"

"It's Kevin's," Zac says. He seems to have noticed that Kevin's dad is having issues with Kevin having a boy spending the night and staying until the morning, and he seems to like it, too. Kevin likes that about Zac. "The shorts are his, too, but they're a bit wrinkled from being on the floor."

In the middle of a sip, Kevin spits his juice back into his glass and grabs a napkin to cover his smile. Mom looks at them both disapprovingly. Dad stands up and takes his plate to the sink.

"I have to go to work," Dad says.

"Have a nice day, sir," Zac says.

"Let me walk you to the door, dear," Mom says.

 

~*~

 

"You should come over more often," Kevin says to Zac once his parents have left the room.

Zac smiles with his mouth wide open while chewing his food. "Your dad works on Saturdays?"

"Six days a week right now," Kevin says. "They're going through some big thing."

"I've heard about that." Zac wipes his mouth with a napkin and puts it on his plate, and Kevin clears the rest of the breakfast mess.

"I don't really know anything about it," Kevin admits. Sometimes he feels bad he doesn't know much about what his dad does, but then he remembers his dad doesn't know much about what Kevin does and stops caring.

"That's okay. A lot of young people are apathetic and lazy about politics," Zac says. Kevin doesn't say anything, because it's true: he is an apathetic and lazy young person. "I should probably get going too. My car is parked in somebody's driveway down the street."

"Aw, do you have to?" Kevin whines, turning to lean against the counter and crossing his arms. He's only partially pretend-whining.

"'Fraid so," Zac says. He stands and goes to Kevin, puts his arms around Kevin's middle to hug him. He's only an inch or so taller than Kevin, but he seems a lot smaller. Kevin feels like an overstuffed body pillow compared to Zac's litheness. Kevin hugs back, and they both hold on for a few minutes. Kevin has really liked having Zac here, as company and as a nuisance, as a source of affection and proof that there's something outside this house. The house can be so sterile and frigid sometimes, so empty of anything Kevin cares about.

"Do you want to like, brush your teeth or anything? I'm sure we have extra toothbrushes," Kevin says, talking with his cheek against Zac's neck.

"No, I'm good," Zac says. "Thanks for letting me crash." He finally pulls out of the hug and leans back to look at Kevin.

"That's all?" Kevin says. "After I saved your life?"

Zac rolls his eyes. He kisses Kevin, chaste and soft, with his lips softly closing around Kevin's lower lip. It's like a drop of water that makes Kevin's mouth dry and thirsty for more.

"I can't have just one," Kevin says seriously.

Zac bites his lips trying not to smile, like he doesn't find Kevin wildly charming. He puts his hand on Kevin's chin and this time when they kiss, Kevin licks along Zac's sealed lips until he's allowed to dip in.

"Ugh," Zac pulls away and grimaces.

"What?" Kevin says.

"That beard does not feel good," Zac says. He pushes Kevin away from him and starts heading for the front door.

"Are you going to be feeling my beard more often?" Kevin doesn't even chase after him. He just stands there, drunk on two drops.

"I'll call you later," Zac says. He's grinning so smugly and trying to open the door. He figures out after a moment he has to unlock it.

"You don't have my number," Kevin says.

"I got it," Zac says. He closes the door behind him.

"Are you sure?" Kevin yells. "Do you want me to walk you to your car?"

Zac waves through the door and leaves. Kevin stands there, staring at where Zac used to be, trying to make certain that everything that just happened really happened.

"He seems nice," Kevin's mom says from the entry way of the other room. He doesn't know how long she's been there.

Kevin shrugs. He agrees, but he's not exactly ready to talk about boys with his mother.

 

~*~

 

Kevin supposes his parents have had a hard time dealing with him lately. He could be what one might consider a massive screw up. The day he came home to tell them he was dropping out of school was also the day he told them he was gay. Might as well get everything out at once, he figured. He was going to school to study political science, like his dad wanted him to. Follow in his footsteps, join the family business. How diplomacy is a family business, Kevin never understood.

His brothers were allowed to pick whatever they wanted to study. It's not that Kevin couldn't do what he wanted, but that he couldn't do what he wanted without having to experience disappointment coming from his father. Nick wanted to leave the country to write poetry or something, and Joe wanted to leave the country to write poetry because Nick did. Kevin couldn't make it down to say goodbye before they left on the train. It upset him that this brothers were off learning something together, while he was stuck there trying to learn to do something he didn't care about. He wanted to be with his brothers, or at least be as free as them from the disapproving stares of his father. He went home a few weeks after his brothers left home.

After Zac leaves, Kevin goes to his room and lies on his bed. It smells like the beach and rainwater, and like Kevin needs to have his mom wash his bedding. He decides to give Joe a call. Neither of his brothers ever call him, but he doesn't think it's on purpose. They just forget what's not in front of them. Kevin would probably be the same if he weren't so lonely.

"Hello, hello," Joe answers his phone.

Kevin tells Joe he should feel terrible for not calling his big brother once in a while, and then he tells him he misses them, and then he tells him about Zac --

("I remember him," Joe says. "Isn't he kind of out of your league?"

"Yeah, but --"

"Maybe he's just into you for your power and wealth," Joe says.

"I don't have any power or wealth," Kevin reminds him. "If he wanted that, he'd be snuggling up to Dad."

"You're probably right.")

\-- and how he might really like Zac and he thinks Zac might like him.

"You are so easy, Kev," Joe says.

"I am not," Kevin says. "It's not like we like, slept together. I mean, we did, but there wasn't any hanky-panky."

"Hanky-panky?" Joe says. "Oy. So what's the problem, if you like each other?"

"I feel like Jasmine," Kevin says.

"What? The incense scent?" Joe says.

"No, the princess," Kevin says.

"What are you talking about?"

"I feel like I'm not allowed to leave the house."

"You are allowed to leave, though. You left before. You can leave again. You're not trapped."

"It feels like I am."

"You're not. You're not Jasmine. You're a new Disney princess - you're like, Princess Depressed Hermit. Why don't you take up a hobby?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, Kev. Why don't you learn how to drive? Then maybe you wouldn't feel so stuck. You could come visit us and drive us around."

"Who's going to teach me to drive?"

"Rob would, I'm sure," Joe says. "Or, I have a great idea."

"No, you don't," Kevin says.

"Didn't you say Zac left, in his _car_?"

"Zac doesn't want to teach me how to drive," Kevin says.

"I bet he does," Joe says. "I bet he wants your hands all over his stick shift."

"Don't say that. He probably drives a Prius."

"Ask him if you can ride on his Prius."

"Ugh, how does anyone stand you?" Kevin says.

"They don't," Joe says. "Nick isn't speaking to me right now."

Joe tells Kevin about how he did something dreadful and annoying, and Nick refuses to acknowledge his existence, and Joe is trying to win him back by being even more annoying than what got him into trouble in the first place. Nick will eventually not be able to take it anymore and just forgive him. It sounds just like they're at home, only Kevin can't see them. He misses seeing them.

"I miss you guys," Kevin says.

"We miss you too," Joe says. "Don't we, Nicky?"

"Don't call me that," Kevin hears in the background.

 

~*~

 

Kevin waits for an unsaved number to come up on his phone. He's not going to die if he doesn't get a call from Zac, but he's hoping it'll happen, like a surprise birthday party. He may be clutching his phone in his hand like it's a shining rope of hope dropped down into his hole of loneliness and despair, but he's not desperate.

His phone buzzes. Kevin sits up on his bed and looks at it. An unsaved number is ringing him.

"Hello?" Kevin answers. He stands up and starts pacing all over his room. He hopes he's not breathing really hard into the phone. He doesn't want to sound like a mouthbreathing creep.

"Hi," Zac says.

"How'd you get my number?" Kevin says.

"I stole it off your phone when you weren't looking," Zac says.

"Aren't you the resourceful one," Kevin says.

"Do you want to meet up somewhere? I'm not doing anything today."

"I can't," Kevin says. "I don't drive." He wants to punch himself in the face for saying it, but what else can he do? He's not going to ask his mom to drive him. Hey, Mom, can you drive me to town so I can hook up with some guy?

"I'll come to you, then," Zac says. "Let me pick you up."

"You don't have to come all the way out here," Kevin says.

"No, I want to. All the way out there is where you are."

"If you want to."

"I want to if you want to."

"I do if you want to," Kevin says.

"Do you want me to flip a coin?" Zac says.

"No," Kevin says. "You can come and get me."

 

~*~

 

Zac picks Kevin up before Kevin's dad gets home, which Kevin is a little disappointed by. Also, Kevin was wrong: Zac drives a Volvo. A really old Volvo with a manual crank sunroof. He pulls up in the driveway and honks for Kevin to come down, though he doesn't need to, because Kevin was already at his bedroom window looking out to see what that awful noise was (it was Zac's car). Kevin loves that Zac honks instead of coming up to the door and knocking anyway. Kevin would be in so much trouble if he did that. Every adult he knows would chastise him for being a rude child and he'd probably be forced to take a charm school class. Kevin thinks Zac's being rude is charming.

"You don't have fifty cars of your own?" Zac says first thing after Kevin gets in his car, boots zipped and scarf on. Zac's wearing mirrored aviator shades and his hair is messy because all the windows are rolled down. He looks like a jerk. Kevin wants Zac to kiss him, but he's not sure how to convey that.

"No," Kevin says. "I never learned how to drive."

"Really? I could teach you."

"You don't have to."

"I'd like to."

"You really don't have to."

"But I'd like to."

"I don't think you have to," Kevin says.

"Let's not go through this again, shall we?" Zac says. "You can buy me dinner, and I'll teach you how to drive."

"Okay," Kevin says. He smiles shyly at Zac, and Zac smiles too, like a regular give and take. Kevin likes it.

Zac takes off. Kevin unwraps his scarf from his neck and wraps it around his head to keep the wind blowing in from the manual crank sunroof from messing up his hair too much. Zac takes hold of his hand suddenly and fiercely.

"I love you, Thelma!" Zac says.

"What?" Kevin says. He leans closer to Zac to be able to hear him over the car.

"You're supposed to say, 'I love you, Louise!'" Zac says. "The scarf?"

"I've never seen that movie," Kevin says.

Zac lets go of his hand slowly and says, "Oh. No big deal."

Kevin wishes he'd watched more movies as a child, then.

 

~*~

 

Kevin's never eaten lunch so late or dinner so early before. They're done eating and back in Zac's car by 4, and Kevin is disappointed his time with Zac is over for the day, until Zac asks him what else he wants to do.

"I don't know," Kevin says. He looks out the window desperately trying to find something cool to do with Zac.

"Come on," Zac says. "Mall? Matinee? Motel?"

"Well," Kevin says, thinking it over.

"What do you _like_ to do?" Zac asks. He seems genuinely interested in Kevin's interests.

"I don't know," Kevin says, because he doesn't. He doesn't think he has any particular passions at the moment. He tries to remember what he did last time he was in town. "Have you ever had a pedicure?"

"A pedicure?" Zac says. "I can't say that have."

"Oh," Kevin says. "Those are nice."

"They seem kind of --"

"Girly?" He should've known he's the only young man alive who actively enjoys getting pedicures, with or without his mother. Stupid.

"I was going to say 'wasteful'," Zac says. "Why pay for someone to paint your toenails when you could do it yourself for free?"

"I didn't know you were so frugal," Kevin teases.

"I guess I just don't have money like some people," Zac says, annoyed out of nowhere.

Kevin feels wretched suddenly. He didn't realize Zac could be hurt by anything Kevin did, like he's a real human being.

"I didn't mean it like that," Kevin says.

"I know you didn't," Zac sighs. "Sorry. I'm just kind of like, I don't know. I drive this crappy car, and I live in a dinky apartment, and I had bed bugs a few months ago. I guess I feel a little self conscious in front of you."

"Oh," Kevin says. "Well, you shouldn't. At least you've gotten stuff for yourself. Everything I have was bought for me by my father. I fully admit to being a useless trust fund baby."

Zac smiles. "I think you have some uses, Kevin."

 

~*~

 

Kevin struggles to get away from Zac's strong grip. He's being tortured, absolutely tortured.

"Stop - trying - to get - away," Zac says with clenched teeth.

"No!" Kevin cries out. "Let go of me!"

"You wanted this," Zac says.

"I never wanted this!"

He tries to kick at Zac, but Zac is too quick and ducks out of range. He gets hold of Kevin's ankle and clamps down as hard as he can to hold Kevin still. He runs his finger tip from Kevin's heel all the way up to his baby toe while Kevin thrashes about in giggly agony until finally the toe spacers are in place. Only after about 15 straight minutes of tickling disguised as "nail trimming" and "relaxing massage".

"There," Zac says. "What's the matter with you? You said you liked pedicures."

"Not the way you do them," Kevin says. He breathes in and out deeply to soothe himself. God, he hates being tickled. "You don't have the touch."

"I'll touch _you_ ," Zac says, feather-lightly running his fingertip along the bottom of Kevin's foot and laughing at the way Kevin whines pissily at it and jerks his leg away. He runs his hand up Kevin's calf to calm him back down, and Kevin settles into the touch. "What color do you want?"

Kevin sorts through his mom's nail polish collection. He's only done his nails a few times, when he was a kid. His mom thought it was cute, but she told him not to do it anymore when he got older and his dad got less and less accepting. Sometimes she'd invite him to come along with her when she went out to get her nails done, though, and he loved it. He didn't think she'd mind him using her polish now, as long as he wore shoes around his dad.

"Let's go for the gold," Kevin says, picking one out and handing it down to Zac. Kevin's sitting on his bed with his feet dangling down while Zac sits on a pile of clothes on the floor. Kevin puts one of his feet on Zac's shoulder, and Zac lays his hand over it, so fondly for someone who doesn't know him that well. Then again, he doesn't know Zac all that well, either, but he can feel the fondness in his own eyes when he looks at Zac. It just feels so good to have -- someone.

"'Bling Dynasty'?" Zac smirks, reading the nail polish bottle. "Seems like an appropriate choice."

"Shut up," Kevin says. "I don't have any bling."

"I'd like to change that," Zac says. "How about I buy you a diamond?"

"No," Kevin says.

" _I wanna play it cool_ ," Zac belts out suddenly. complete with dramatic hand and facial gestures. " _But I'm losin' you. I'll buy you any-thing, I'll buy you any ring_."

"Stop that," Kevin says, though he's s bit surprised to learn Zac has a decent singing voice, which must make him a complete dream."What is that?"

" _Now I'm in piec-es, baby, fix me_ ," Zac won't stop. He latches onto Kevin's leg and shakes it. " _And you shake me till you wake me from this baaad dreeam_. Justin Bieber? No?"

"No," Kevin says.

"That's fair," Zac says.

Zac takes Kevin's foot in one hand, this time without the malicious intent to tickle, but only for the purpose of holding it steady. He unscrews the cap of the polish bottle with one hand and takes the brush out to start painting. He's clearly concentrating very hard, because he's clearly never done this before. He uses too much paint, he doesn't wait long enough between coats, and he accidentally touches a few wet nails and gets his fingerprints in them. Kevin would be ashamed to have such sloppy toenails if they weren't done by the hands of Zac. When he's all done, he cradles Kevin's feet in his palms and blows on his toes gently, looking up at Kevin with the bluest eyes in the world, even in Kevin's dark room with the shades pulled tight. Kevin swallows.

Zac crawls up Kevin's lap and kneels between his knees. He gets his mouth close to Kevin's and says quietly, "How's that?"

"Perfect," Kevin says. He puts his hand against Zac's chin to bring him up even closer for a kiss. He thinks they're allowed to kiss. He thinks they'll probably end up doing all sorts of kissing. He hopes. Zac crinkles his nose at the scritch of Kevin's beard, but he goes in for another kiss anyway.

"See? You don't get this kind of treatment at the salon," Zac says.

"Says you," Kevin grins.

"Shut it," Zac says, standing up to plop down next to Kevin on his bed.

"Dinner will probably be ready soon," Kevin says. "You feel like eating two meals with me in one day?"

"You think your dad will be okay with that?" Zac says.

"No," Kevin says.

"Well, I am getting hungry again," Zac says.

 

~*~

 

Zac ends up coming over a few days a week for dinner, and sometimes he's there for breakfast too. His mother seems glad Kevin has a friend, though he suspects she knows they're more than friends. They're not that much more than friends, anyway; they haven't done a lot besides stray kisses and shirtless spooning. Kevin's not in that much of a hurry -- he doesn't really care about things he's never had - but he didn't take Zac as the moseying modest sort. He's just so - attractive. He should be completely nude, constantly and with no shame.

Kevin needs to stop thinking about it at the dinner table.

"I talked to Nick earlier today," Mom says. "He said he and Joe might come home for spring break."

"Really?" Kevin says. "Doesn't that seem sort of backwards?"

"They should go to Cancun," Zac puts in.

"Joe would end up on a Guys Gone Wild tape," Kevin says. His mother looks at him scoldingly. "What? He would."

"People don't use tapes anymore, Kevin," Zac says.

"You know, he really would," Mom concedes with a laugh. "At least he's not on the other side of the camera."

"You'd rather he -- " Kevin starts.

Dad gets up and leaves the room without even clearing his own plate, which is unusual. Kevin was starting to feel okay in his own home, joking with his mother and having her joke back, actually having some sort of conversation with his family. That couldn't last long, he guesses. Maybe this place will never be his own home again. He's just an unwanted guest, like Zac, in his dad's eyes.

"Anyway," Mom sighs. "Expect a full house soon."

"Okay," Kevin and Zac both say.

 

~*~

 

One morning, Kevin wakes up earlier than he has in a while, probably since he was a kid. Kevin really likes Zac. He likes Zac like crazy. He hasn't had this much interest in any one thing in a long time. He hasn't wanted to be awake for anything this bad. He puts his feet on the floor to get up and doesn't hate it. He knows he shouldn't be totally living his life for someone else -- God knows his father would love that, if Kevin lived for him instead of himself -- but this is different. He feels like he's living his life _because_ of Zac. He feels better because of Zac.

He goes to the bathroom and doesn't think twice before shaving off his beard. He didn't much like it, anyway, and Zac hates it. He can't wait for Zac to see him.

"Do you like it?" He says when he answers the door, next time Zac comes over the house.

"Oh," Zac says. He runs his hands along Kevin's newly smooth skin. "I love it."

"You do?"

"You know I do. I love your face."

"I - I did it for you."

Zac thanks him with a kiss. In fact, he thanks him by sucking on Kevin's beloved, clean face for an entire hour straight, right on the living room sofa.

"We should probably go upstairs," Kevin says. His lips are almost completely numb, like he's just eaten a popsicle, and Zac's are wet and red like... he's just eaten a particularly red popsicle. Kevin's not really thinking about anything but popsicles, and Zac's mouth in relation to popsicles, at this point in his life.

"Is your dad supposed to be home soon?" Zac says. He presses a kiss to Kevin's smoothe jaw, two kisses, three.

"Yeah," Kevin says.

"Do you know what he's been doing?" Zac sucks a kiss on Kevin's neck.

"I don't know," Kevin swallows. "Something about - trying to keep peace somewhere."

"He's been working late a lot," Zac says. He licks his way from Kevin's collarbone, "He must be doing something really important," to Kevin's ear. Kevin's hips lift up involuntarily.

"Can we stop talking about my dad?" Kevin says.

"Yes," Zac says against Kevin's lips, and it starts all over again, the kissing.

 

~*~

 

They're lying in Kevin's bed one afternoon, doing nothing. They do that a lot. Zac says it's a nice break from working, so he doesn't mind. Kevin's sure Zac has an office job - he's never really asked, because it doesn't seem important. Whatever it is, it must both tremendously stressful and hideously boring, so Zac likes coming over to Kevin's to be lazy.

Zac has his feet up by Kevin's face at the head of the bed and hangs over the foot of it to look around. Kevin lays on his back and closes his eyes. He's getting sleepy, even though he's only been up a few hours.

"You ever think about cleaning your room?" Zac asks.

"Sometimes," Kevin says.

Kevin feels Zac roll over. He lays one of his hands on Kevin's leg and presses a kiss to his ankle.

"Stop," Kevin says.

"Your feet smell like corn chips," Zac says.

"What? Get away from my feet. You and my feet, ugh." He kicks at Zac's grasp on his foot but it doesn't really do anything because he's practically asleep.

"They smell like corn chips. Like Fritos."

"They do not."

"They smell like a sandal in the summertime."

"It's always summertime here. And I wear sandals."

"That explains everything," Zac grunts as he repositions himself on the bed. He lays his head down next to Kevin's, and Kevin feels the littlest kiss on his cheek. Literally, the littlest kiss.

"How did you do that?" Kevin asks, his eyes popping open.

"Do what?"

"That kiss - it was so little!"

"What?"

"It was the smallest kiss ever!"

"What - what kind of observation is that?" Zac laughs so hard, and he takes Kevin down with him. God, he can't stop laughing. He doesn't remember the last time he felt anything so much he couldn't stop it.

"I don't know," Kevin says, blotting away tears with his sleeve. "I don't know, it was just freaking me out. Let me try."

"Try what?" Zac says.

Kevin puckers his lips and gives Zac the smallest kiss he can muster.

"Oh my God!" Zac laughs through his nose and rolls around on his back clutching his chest. "It was so small! I'm freaking out!"

"I told you!" Kevin says. He leans up over Zac and looks at his shiny red face and his wet, squinty eyes. One of them is bulging out bigger than the other. He starts to laugh uncontrollably again and puts his mouth in Zac's neck to try to make himself quit.

"What is it now?" Zac says.

"You have - a pop-eye!" Kevin chokes out.

"I do not!" Zac hits him in the arm and rolls them over so he's leaning over Kevin. "How could you say that?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was just funny to me."

Zac doesn't seem to be mad, which is good. He wouldn't be making fun of Zac if he didn't care about him. He hopes Zac knows that, because Kevin doesn't know how to explain it.

"What do you say you learn how to drive today?" Zac just smiles at him and touches the side of his face affectionately.

"Are you sure?" Kevin says. "I don't want to kill anyone."

"You won't kill anyone," Zac reassures him with a hand on Kevin's hip. "We'll go nice," a hand on Kevin's thigh, "and slow," a hand on Kevin's cock. He doesn't move it, just leaves it there to rest.

"Whatever you want," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

The most important rule of driving is - what? Kevin's already got his seatbelt fastened. His mirrors are adjusted properly. His hands are at 10 and 2. His shoes are comfortable and they fit well. He has weather- and time-appropriate sunglasses on.

"Pay attention," Zac says.

Pay attention to what? Zac is plastered to his side. He's the one not buckled in. He put the arm rest up and scooted in right next to Kevin. This is incredibly unsafe. He keeps sucking on Kevin's neck. Is that what Kevin is supposed to pay attention to? He shouldn't be operating heavy machinery right now. He keeps veering to the left. He's going to die. Zac's hands are everywhere but to himself.

"Slow down," Zac says.

Kevin slams on the breaks. It throws Zac forward, but he catches himself on the dashboard. He thinks they were only going 25 miles an hour anyway. He's afraid of rapid acceleration.

"Sorry. Maybe you should buckle your seatbelt," Kevin says. He lets off the breaks and they start to creep forward. Zac stays put, next to Kevin, but this time he only rests his hand on Kevin's thigh.

"You're doing good," Zac says. He seems to be composing himself, like he lost control of his wheel, too. "See? Driving isn't so hard."

"It's a little stressful," Kevin says.

They drive in silence for a while. Kevin tries to turn himself down, but it doesn't work. He's keyed up as hell. He laughs at his driving pun.

"What?" Zac smiles.

"I'm _keyed_ up," Kevin says.

"Are you _horny_?" Zac replies.

Kevin honks the horn. There aren't any people around to annoy.

"Where are you making me drive you to anyway?" Kevin asks.

Zac didn't make him do any left turns or parallel park once they arrived at their destination: the beach. Kevin's front yard is a beach so he doesn't see the point of driving here, exactly. There aren't houses where they parked, but there were some a couple miles down. He figures Zac wanted to get further out of town than Kevin's house, and when he turns off the ignition he readies himself for some sweet car makeouts. Zac pulls away from him to twist around and rifles in the backseat floor until he comes up with a beach towel.

"Beautiful day out," Zac says with a grin. He takes his shirt off, gets out of the car, and starts heading down to the water.

"Uh," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

Kevin nearly gets his first blowjob on a beach towel on the ocean shore in broad daylight. The beach is practically empty save for a few people way down the shore, but any pervert with binoculars --

"Nobody has binoculars," Zac says.

"But if they did they could see us," Kevin says.

\-- could see them.

Kevin lets Zac pull his shorts down so they're only just past his balls. Zac puts his hand around Kevin's cock, works it up and down for a few minutes until it's fully hard. Kevin keeps involuntarily lifting his legs up into the air, like he's placing them in invisible stirrups. Zac pushes them down patiently as he lowers his mouth to the head of Kevin's cock.

Kevin comes on Zac's cheek and throat before Zac's mouth even touches him. Kevin's first blowjob is a grand failure.

"I'm sorry," Kevin says, cheeks burning. He is sorry for so many reasons, mostly for himself.

"It's okay," Zac says, patting Kevin on the foot.

"No, it's not," Kevin whines as he hide his face behind his hands.

"I know, you wanted one _so bad_ ," Zac says. "That was the last one in stock, too, wasn't it? There'll never be another BJ on earth again."

"Shut up."

"I've heard jizz is good for your skin."

Kevin's hands fly off his face so he can look at Zac in horror. "You're not going to rub it in, are you?"

"No way," Zac says. He bends down and uses the corner of the beach towel to wipe off his face before flopping down to lie next to Kevin. He pulls Kevin's trunks back up for him and throws his arm across Kevin's chest and kisses him on the cheek until Kevin is unashamed enough to turn his head to kiss him back.

"Do you want me to...?" Kevin says.

"Yes," Zac says.

Kevin gives his first blowjob on a on a beach towel on the ocean shore in broad daylight where any pervert with binoculars could see, Zac helping him along with what to do the whole time. Zac comes in Kevin's mouth and Kevin spits it immediately onto the sand.

"I'm sorry," Zac says, though Kevin doesn't know why he has any reason to be.

"How was it?" Kevin says.

"Pretty good," Zac says. "You did a good apostrophe-job. Get it?"

"What?" Kevin says.

Zac is smiling wide as he kisses Kevin. It is a grand success.

 

~*~

 

Zac drives them back, but not to Kevin's house. He parks on the side of an old apartment building with overgrown bushes and flowers growing wild along the walkway to the door. The neighborhood doesn't seem like a good one, but Kevin's not going to judge. He's the one who still lives with his parents, and he'd be homeless if he didn't. This is definitely steps above homeless, at least.

"This is my place," Zac says as he unlocks the door. They have to walk up three flights of stairs and go through another locked door to get to Zac's apartment door.

The first thing Kevin notices is that it's chokingly hot.

"Sorry, I'll go open the windows," Zac says. He goes left to the living room and unlocks all the windows before throwing them open. "I don't have air in here."

"It's okay," Kevin says. The second thing he notices is that this is the cleanest living space he's ever seen. Not even clean, necessarily, but empty. The walls are bare, the living room and kitchen combined have a total of three pieces of furniture in them (couch, dining table, wooden chair), nothing is out on the kitchen counter or on the floor.

"The bedroom and bathroom is this way," Zac says. "I have to pee."

Zac goes through the world's smallest hallway and goes to the bathroom, which is through a door in the bedroom. His bedroom doesn't have a door to it, just an entryway. Kevin follows behind him to look around. Zac's mattress is on the floor. He doesn't have a comforter, only a few sheets, which makes sense since it's hot as hell in here. There are dark sheets covering the windows to block out the sunlight. Kevin's never seen sheets as curtains before. He pushes them out the way to open the windows in there, too.

He lies down on Zac's bed. It's at least a queen size, which is outrageously huge to Kevin. He's only ever slept in a twin bed. He doesn't know which side to lay on, and decides on the one closest to the entrance. He's only going to rest his eyes - he feels tired from the surface of his skin all the way down to his bones, from the sun and the blowjobs and everything.

Kevin falls asleep before the sun is even all the way down.

 

~*~

 

 _Don't worry, okay? I'm getting close. I'm almost there._

"Hm?" Kevin says. He's asleep. He's dreaming.

 _We'll see each other soon, okay?_

"Hm," Kevin says. Who's talking?

 _I have go to. Okay? Everything is okay._

"Okay," Kevin says. Is it Zac? Is it Dad? It sounds like Dad trying to make Kevin stop crying when he was far away and Kevin was little. He's dreaming.

"Mmm," Zac says as he settles his arms back around Kevin. Did he get up?

Kevin's asleep.

 

~*~

 

Usually Kevin sleeps in because he's exhausted from doing nothing. He always feels tired, and oftentimes he'll think to himself, tired of what? The answer to that question hasn't scared him for a long time. Now, he doesn't want to answer it. He feels like has hasn't had enough sleep instead of too much sleep. He's not tired, this morning. He just wants to sleep a little longer.

Kevin opens his eyes and doesn't want to immediately shut them again for the first time in months. Zac is up already and wearing only his underwear. He's dancing in front of his dresser and folding and putting away clothes. There's a low tinkling of music coming from a radio on top of the dresser. He has a mirror vanity on his dresser, too, like a lady might have, and there are stickers out of store machines that say "BABY DOLL" and "GHETTO BOOTY" framed around it. There are a few photographs stuck in there, too, of people who look familiar but Kevin's never met them.

"Good morning," Kevin says. He turns over on his back and tries to lift his upper body up, like he's doing a sit-up, but he manages to only lift his head off the pillow a couple inches before settling back in, also like he's doing a sit-up. He's no good at sit-ups.

The second Zac sees that Kevin is awake, his hand flies for a dial on the radio and he blasts the volume.

" _But nothing comes close to the Golden Coast_ ," Zac belts along to the song. He turns dramatically and his face gets super serious as he starts to do some sort of dance with only his shoulders. " _Once you party with uh-us, you'll be falling in love_ ," and then the most grating oh-ohs Kevin's heard in his life. When it gets to the chorus, Zac jumps up on the bed and stretches his arms above his head.

" _Cal-i-forn-ia girls, we're unforgettable_ ," Zac wails. He seemingly pulls flawless, perfectly-timed choreography out of his ass to go along with the song. He spins around a lot and Kevin is pretty sure he's pointing his toes, all with a crazy fake smile on his face. " _Daisy dukes, bikinis on top_ ," he gestures to his shorts and then to his invisible bosoms, " _sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll met your popsicle_." He puts his feet on either side of Kevin's torso and bounces up and down on the oh-ohs while he wiggles his hips from side to side, and Kevin laughs.

Kevin thinks that this is one of the best things he's seen, in both an entertainment and sexual sense. Zac is dancing, apparently only for him, in nothing but his underwear, but he's also a really good dancer. Kevin is impressed, amused, and turned on all at the same time.

Zac falls back onto his own pillow. He smiles popsicle-meltingly at Kevin, his cheeks rosy with exertion and his hair messy. Every time he breathes in, it's like his eyes get brighter.

"I don't have a TV, so I kind of sit here and listen to the radio all day like it's the '30s," Zac says. He snuggles up to Kevin until Kevin puts his arms around him.

"That song was pretty bad," Kevin says.

"I'm getting tired of it," Zac says. He kisses Kevin's throat.

"Where'd you learn to dance like that?" Kevin says.

Zac doesn't answer for a while, like he doesn't know if he wants to give up this bit of information or not. He sighs against Kevin's skin and Kevin's legs twitch.

"I was in dance my whole life," Zac says. "From when I was little until just after high school. I taught it for some time, too."

"You're really good," Kevin says. "You looked professional."

"I only quit because I had to get a better paying job when my family left." Zac looks at Kevin really hard like he's bracing himself, because he knows Kevin's going to ask. He looks like he's thinking about whether or not he should be divulging secrets.

"What do you do now?" Kevin asks. He could've asked the other question, _where did your family go without you?_ , but he doesn't need to pry. Zac can tell him when he's ready.

Zac smiles at the question like he's been pleasantly surprised. "I'm an assistant. I do whatever my boss needs me to do."

"I can't dance," Kevin changes the subject back. "Unless I have at least one drink in me."

"Come here," Zac says. He wriggles out of Kevin's hold on him and gets up, pulling Kevin with him. "I had to stop doing the really fancy stuff after I hurt my knee. When I taught it was mostly really little kids, because that doesn't have to be complicated. This is all you need to do." He taps his toe on the floor, and then his heel. "Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe."

Kevin follows along. "That's it?"

"That's what the little kids learned," Zac says.

"I can definitely tear up the dance floor with this," Kevin says, heeling and toeing.

Zac puts his arms around him like a slow dance and dips him until he hits the bed. He lies on top of Kevin with his knees between Kevin's thighs and kisses Kevin, over and over. Just as it seems like it's about to escalate, Kevin's thoughts feel too big for his head. He wants to tell Zac, he's pretty certain, about his feelings. Feelings! Kevin has feelings. He can't believe it, but he does.

"I don't know how I got so lucky," Kevin blurts out.

"From what I recall, you didn't," Zac wags his eyebrows.

"Not that. I mean, part of it. I mean, with you."

"What?"

"I just feel lucky to be with you. Like, I was really down about - everything. And then you showed up, out of nowhere, and - I don't know. I feel good."

Zac looks at Kevin, and when Kevin makes eye contact with him, he puts his head down on Kevin's chest. Kevin feels a bit discouraged by this. He was expecting more of a reaction. Maybe Zac doesn't feel the same way about Kevin and he doesn't want to say it. Zac stays still and quiet for a while, breathing warmth on Kevin's skin through his t-shirt.

"I'm glad," Zac says finally, just as Kevin starts to feel like he can't take the ants in his pants any longer, and he sounds so sincere. He lifts his head to look straight into Kevin's eyes. "I'm glad I found you, too. And I'm glad you feel good about us."

"Good," Kevin says. His stomach growls and Zac giggles.

"I felt that," Zac says.

"I should call my mom," Kevin says.

"I'm going to go look in the fridge." He gets up and stretches, and Kevin's mouth doesn't know if it wants food or Zac's skin more.

Kevin yanks Zac back by the hand and sucks kisses down from his jaw to his bare shoulder until Zac is trembling from it.

"May I use your shower?" Kevin mumbles against Zac's skin.

"Please," Zac says.

Kevin gets his first blowjob in Zac's bathroom, against the door, after they turn the shower on but before they make it in. It is a huge success.

 

~*~

 

Kevin has loved playing house at Zac's place for a day. His mom didn't sound as if she didn't approve of his staying the night at Zac's, but she didn't sound like she approved, either. He's going to have to go back home soon, but he has to admit, if Zac asked him to move in with him forever right in this moment, he'd say yes. Zac found pizza rolls in his freezer, and he's taking them out of the oven when Kevin's getting out of the shower. Kevin loves pizza rolls. Who doesn't love pizza rolls?

"Man, I love pizza rolls," Zac says.

They stuff pizza rolls into their mouths like it's a commercial for pizza rolls.

"You want to drive yourself back home?" Zac says.

"I do need the practice," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

His dad's car isn't in the driveway when they pull up to Kevin's house.

"Want to come in?" Kevin says.

"Always," Zac says.

His mom is home, though, which he didn't want her to be. He's pretty sure she's going to embarrass or scold him somehow. He doesn't feel like dealing with any of that right now.

"Did you boys have a nice day?" Mom says when they come in. She was sitting there waiting for them already.

"Oh, yes," Zac says. He gives Kevin bedroom eyes as if to remind him how nice a day they had.

"Zac," Mom says sick-makingly sweet. "If you could maybe remind Kevin to call his mother while you're out all night having premarital sex, I'd really appreciate it."

"Mom!" Kevin says. How does she know?

"I'll remember to do that next time, ma'am," Zac says.

"Your dad called and said he'd probably have to work overnight," Mom says.

Kevin can't believe that's the end of it. If she's changing the subject, so is he.

"I learned how to drive a bit," Kevin says.

"He's really good," Zac says.

It sounds like they're talking in double entendres and Kevin doesn't know how to stop.

"Maybe you can pick your brothers up from the airport Sunday," Mom says.

"Mom, I don't have a driver's license yet," Kevin says.

"I'll supervise him, Mrs. Jonas," Zac says. "We'll get those boys of yours home safe."

"Thanks, boys," Mom gives them both a forgiving kiss on the head and leaves them alone for the rest of the night.

 

~*~

 

On the weekend, Zac makes Kevin go to a party full of people they went to college with. They're all Zac's friends, even still, but Kevin hardly knew any of them that well then and he sure doesn't keep in touch with any of them now. He feels like the biggest failure while he's getting dressed to go. He's a dropout with no job, living off his parents, and he doesn't do anything. He really feels just how worthless he is when he's around other people.

Zac comes into his room to pick him up as he's sitting on his bed putting his boots on. He'll look taller than he was before if nothing else.

"Hey," Zac says. He bends down and wraps his arm around Kevin's shoulders, gives Kevin a kiss on the neck. "You smell good."

"Thanks," Kevin says miserably. "Do we have to go?"

"It'll be fun," Zac says.

"No it won't," Kevin pouts.

"It isn't a job interview," Zac says. "There's nothing to be scared of."

Kevin sighs deeply and flops onto his back on the bed. Zac grabs him by the hands and drags him up.

Zac has Kevin drive them. They drive for about 30 minutes until Zac points a house out to him and tells him to park.

"A house party?" Kevin says. "Are you kidding me?"

"What?" Zac says defensively. "Sorry I can't take you somewhere more highbrow."

"That's not what I meant," Kevin says. "I just never even went to these when I had friends."

Zac's voice softens. "Don't be nervous. You have a lot going for you."

"Like what?" He gets out of the car behind Zac and pockets the keys.

"Me," Zac grins. "That ass."

"Stop it," Kevin says.

As soon as Zac walks through the door, there are a thousand brotherly people shouting brotherly at him over the music pumping out of somewhere. Kevin spends several minutes following behind Zac and hiding behind him like a child behind its mother. Zac introduces, or every once in a while, reacquaints him with everyone he talks to, but Kevin has one foot out the door in his mind already.

"Hey!" Zac yells up at someone coming down the stairs. Kevin follows Zac's gaze and sees that he's greeting Vanessa. Kevin's pretty sure her and Zac used to date, or at least act like they were. He remembers her pretty clearly.

"You asshole," Vanessa yells back, bounding down the rest of the stairs and running into Zac's open arms.

"You owe me so much fucking alimony!" Zac says.

"You already took everything I had!" Vanessa says.

Kevin stands there like an idiot while what is obviously a long-running inside joke he can't possibly understand happens in front of him. Unless Zac and Vanessa really were secretly married, and she really does owe him alimony.

Zac finally manages to take his mitts off Vanessa and turn back to remember Kevin's there. "You remember Kevn Jonas, don't you, Van?"

Vanessa stares blankly at him and then smiles even more blankly. "Of course," she says, taking his hands in her own and giving him a double cheek kiss.

Kevin hates getting kissed on the cheek by people he doesn't know. He smiles just as fakely back at her.

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks, Kev," Zac says, already leaving Kevin.

Kevin grips Zac's arm like his hand is actually a bear trap and whispers through his clenched teeth, "Please don't leave me."

"I'll be right back," Zac promises him with a quick kiss.

Kevin lets him go. He stands there awkwardly, alternating between having his arms hang tensely by his sides or having them crossed tensely over his chest. His whole body feels tense, in fact. His legs feel like he's just fallen down a flight of stairs and pulled every muscle in them. He hears people moving around him, but he can't focus on any of them. His eyes get hot like he's going to start crying. God, he can't cry here.

Luckily they barely got through the door before Zac abandoned him, so he goes right back out where they came in, He bends down to put his head between his legs and breathes in and out to try to calm himself down. He was full-blown freaking out in there. Being outside has already made him feel better. He can't leave - he could steal Zac's car, but he doesn't want to. At least he can stay out here and sulk.

There's a guy passed out facedown on the front lawn. Kevin hesitates, but goes to check on him. He'd want someone to make sure he wasn't drowning in his own vomit if that were him.

When he flips the guy over onto his back, he recognizes him vaguely.

"Kevin - Jonas," the guy croaks out.

"Yeah," Kevin says soothingly. "Help me out with your name, buddy."

"Jesse," the guy rasps like he's dying. "McCartney."

"That's it," Kevin says. He saw him around, probably had him in a couple classes when he went to school. "Isn't it a little early to be passed out on the lawn already?"

"You're just late," Jesse says. "I need to puke."

Kevin helps Jesse up, but he doesn't know whether to lead him to the street or inside. After thinking about where a person would least mind finding puke, he brings Jesse to some bushes on the side of the house. Jesse ralphs neatly into the bushes while Kevin leans next to him. He offers Jesse his handkerchief when he's done.

"Thanks, bro," Jesse says. "I owe you one. I mean really, you ever need anything. I'm practically a cop. You just ask and I'll do whatever you need, bro."

"Thanks," Kevin says.

"I need to lie down," Jesse says. He makes to go back to his spot on the lawn, but Kevin ushers him into the house and finds a spare couch for him.

The distraction helps Kevin to forget where he is - alone in a house full of people who probably hate him.

Someone hugs him around his middle from behind, and Kevin is about to elbow that someone in the face - his dad made sure they all took self defense classes of some sort - when he hears Zac's voice in his ear, his breath hot against it.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

Kevin shrugs him off and turns to face him. Anyone could see.

"I think I've developed agoraphobia," Kevin shouts over the music.

"You're silly," Zac says, obviously a little tipsy. He takes Kevin by the hand and yanks him over to a spot in the living room of whoever's house this is where people are dancing. The drunkest people in the house, by the looks of it.

Zac puts his arms up and sways his hips like he's at the club trying to be sexy. His eyes never leave Kevin's. Kevin's eyes wander to the spot on Zac's body where his shirt has ridden up and his skin is exposed. Kevin stands there, dumb as a brick and about as interesting and beautiful and graceful as one, too.

"Come on," Zac gestures at him to join.

"I'm not as drunk as you," Kevin says.

"Just do what I taught you," Zac says. He starts doing his heel-toe dance, and he looks so pleased with himself that he's still got those kinds of moves.

"I'm the only one looking at you," Zac assures him. Kevin doesn't know if that makes him feel better or worse. Then he decides, whatever, if he can't dance with Zac, who can he dance with?

He heel-toes his way to Zac. Zac jogs in place and jumps into the air, ending with a spectacular display of jazz hands. He grabs onto both Kevin's hands and heel-toes right along with him.

"Is this that 'California Girls' girl?" Kevin says, noticing the music for the first time.

Zac twirls into Kevin and presses his back against Kevin's front, forcing Kevin to move his arms until they're firmly wrapped around Zac's body. He puts his hand back and grabs a fistful of Kevin's hair to bring their mouths together. He's silently mouthing the words of the song (" _My heart stops when you look at me_ ," he says, and Kevin can relate) against Kevin's lips while he writhes against Kevin's body, mostly his cock. He feels like everyone is staring at them, like everything else has gone dark and there's a spotlight on them, and he wants to break away to make sure they're not, but he can't when Zac somehow manages to fit their mouths together and kisses him wetly.

He doesn't know how it happened, but fate finds them making out in someone's bedroom. There may or may not be other people in the room with them, but he doesn't care. They're both lying on their sides, and Zac has his leg hitched up over Kevin's thigh, rubbing their cocks together through their clothes. Kevin feels like he's about to live a teenage dream tonight.

Someone downstairs starts yelling about the cops, but Kevin didn't see any lights coming through the windows. Zac's body goes completely rigid and he sits up like a shot.

"Fuck," Zac says. "Let's just go."

"What?" Kevin says. He gets up to follow Zac out of the bedroom and downstairs.

"This is completely stupid," Zac says.

"What?" Kevin says again.

Zac keeps babbling to himself about how idiotic he is as they make their way to the car. There are absolutely no cops outside, unless you count Jesse, who is only half a cop and passed out on the lawn again. Kevin shakes him awake and asks if he needs a ride home. He says no but gets in the car with Kevin and Zac anyway. Zac doesn't seem very happy about it, but he doesn't say anything and just slouches down as far as he can in the passenger seat. This night has taken so many turns, Kevin thinks. One minute he's wanting to die, the next he's about to come in his pants, and the next his boyfriend is mad at him for being a nice person.

Jesse doesn't even realize he's not driving himself for the entire drive, let alone that there are other people in the car.

"I shouldn't be driving," Jesse keeps saying.

"I know," Kevin says. "Where do you live?"

He drops Jesse off in front of a house he hopes is actually Jesse's, and starts driving back to Zac's house.

"You're still going to the airport with me tomorrow, right?" Kevin says.

"Can I stay at your house tonight?" Zac says. He sounds like a little kid asking for something that's impossible.

"Always," Kevin says. He holds Zac's hand the rest of the drive.

 

~*~

 

They have wake up early the next morning to get to the airport to pick up Kevin's brothers. Zac wakes up earlier, though, because Kevin is alone in his bed when he opens his eyes. He hopes Zac didn't freak out again and just go home.

Kevin goes downstairs and peeks out the window. His mom's car isn't here, but Zac's still is. His body is completely flooded with relief. Where is Zac, though? He checks the kitchen, and the front deck. He wasn't in the upstairs bathroom, so Kevin goes to look in the downstairs when notices his dad's office door is halfway, and there's movement inside. Nobody goes in there but his dad, and his dad is definitely still not home. Oh, God, did somebody break into the house and kidnap Zac?

Kevin's not normally a brave person, but he can't just let a stranger into his mother's home. He stands off to the side, around the corner, and slowly pushes the door the rest of the way open with one hand and balls the other into a fist. He's never punched anyone in all seriousness before, but he thinks he could do it.

Zac is sitting on Kevin's dad's office sofa with his face in a book.

"Oh, thank God," Kevin gasps, clutching his chest.

"Jesus!" Zac says. "You scared me."

"You scared _me_ ," Kevin says. "What are you doing in here?"

"I had to pee," Zac says.

"You didn't pee in here, did you?"

"No, I'm not drunk anymore," Zac says. He snaps the book he was looking at closed and puts it back on its shelf. Kevin stays in the doorway. Even he feels weird about being in here without his dad. "I just came downstairs and your mom wasn't home so I started opening doors to find the bathroom. I just kind of wandered in here and looked around a little. Hope that's okay."

"Yeah, sure," Kevin says. "Just don't tell my dad. He flips out if people touch his stuff."

Zac comes over and kisses Kevin good morning. His breath tastes like the peppermint candies Kevin's dad keeps on his desk. He wonders how long Zac was in here, and what he was doing. Okay, Kevin needs to stop thinking like that. All Zac did was eat a mint and read a book in a home office. He didn't know there was a stigma upon entering it without the supervision of the man of the house. If Kevin's dad doesn't want anybody in here, then he should put a padlock on the door.

"You ready to go to the airport?" Kevin says.

"Is your mom still gone?" Zac says. Zac grabs Kevin by the hand and drags him into the bathroom, closes and locks the door.

"Yeah," Kevin says. "She probably went to the grocery store."

"I have this shower all to myself, then?" Zac turns on the faucet.

"No," Kevin grins, and shuts the shower curtain behind them.

 

~*~

 

Driving to the airport is stressful for Kevin, and plus he feels guilty about how illegal it is since he isn't licensed to operate an automobile. Zac tries to cheer him through it.

"You're doing a good job," Zac says. He's staying on his side of the car this time. He's completely relaxed, opening and closing his hand out the window, like he's trying to catch the air.

"People keep going around me," Kevin says.

"You go as fast as you want," Zac says. "The speed limit is basically only a suggestion."

They get there too early and have to leave and drive back around twice because they're not allowed to park and wait. Kevin makes Zac do this; he's had enough practice for today. Finally, Joe texts him and says he and Nick are waiting.

"There, there they are," Kevin points frantically like a little kid. He barely waits for Zac to come to a complete stop before he's out of the car and rushing towards his brothers. "Hey!"

"Kev!" Joe drops everything he's holding, including what is probably his laptop case with fragile contents, and practically jumps into Kevin's arms, almost knocking them both to the ground. Kevin feels like he could strangle Joe with the strength of how much he missed him.

"I could kill you!" Kevin says.

Nick is less outwardly emotional. "Don't say that so loud here," he says when Kevin pulls him in for a hug. "We're at the airport."

"Duh," Joe says.

"I missed you guys so much," Kevin says.

"Get a life, bro," Joe says.

"Hey," Zac says from the curb, avoiding looking on at the brotherly display. He seems particularly moved by their reunion. Kevin thought he'd think it was silly, but he looks like he's almost in pain. "We should probably get moving."

"Hey, Zac!" Joe says. "Kevin's told us a lot about you."

Zac nods a response.

Kevin carries half of his brothers' luggage as Zac goes around to open his trunk. He asks quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Zac sniffs.

"We can talk later, okay?" Kevin says.

Zac just puts the luggage in the car and gets in the driver's seat. Joe looks a little confused, while Nick looks like he doesn't give a care even though he probably does, on the inside. Kevin's annoyed that Zac is being this rude in front of his brothers, of all people. They didn't do anything to him. The car ride home is quieter than Kevin would've liked. He wants to joke around with his brothers, who he missed like he would miss missing limbs, but he's afraid he can't because it'll upset Zac. It's like being around his father.

When they get back to the house, Zac parks in the driveway but doesn't turn off the ignition.

"Good to see you guys again," Zac says lifelessly as he pops the trunk. "I hope you have a good visit home."

"You guys head inside," Kevin says. Joe and Nick get out to get their luggage and haul it up to the house. Kevin watches them for a moment, and then turns back to Zac. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Zac says.

"You weren't being very friendly to my brothers," Kevin says sorely. "I thought we could all get along and hang out."

"It's not them."

Zac rubs his hand over his face and keeps it over his mouth like he's trying to stop something from coming out of it. Tears gather in his eyes suddenly, making them look even bluer and brighter than normal, like gems underwater. He leans his head back and gasps through his fingers, trying to keep himself from full-on crying. Kevin's heart starts to break. He's never seen Zac like this before, never knew he'd have to. He didn't know Zac had anything like this inside him.

"What is it?" Kevin says softly.

"I've never really - talked to anyone," Zac voice cracks, and his throat becomes mucousy with emotion. He really sounds like he's never told anyone about this before. "My brother is - I miss my little brother. I guess seeing you guys all together really hit me hard."

"Where is he?" Kevin says.

"Halfway across the world," Zac says.

"Hey, I understand that. My brothers --"

"I don't know when I'll get to see him again," Zac interrupts him. He blinks and a couple tears roll down his cheeks. He wipes them away furiously like he really doesn't want them to exist.

Kevin doesn't know what to say. He wants to ask more about Zac's family -- he's been curious about Zac's parents-- but Kevin's afraid to upset him. If Zac wants to tell him about it, he will. All he can do is offer his hand for Zac to hold on to. He offers his hand; Zac holds on.

"Thanks, Kev," Zac says. He sucks snot up his nostrils. "You've been so - helpful to me."

"Happy to help," Kevin says.

"I should go," Zac says. "I'm not really in a visiting mood tonight."

"Okay, well, hey. Come by for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Sure," Zac says, and he smiles, though he doesn't seem to be behind it.

 

~*~

 

Kevin wakes up the next morning to music punching him in the face and Joe wailing along and running up and down the hall.

"You're like a 5-year-old," Kevin yells.

" _You know you love me_ ," Joe belts out. " _I know you care. Just shout_ ," he leans into Kevin's doorway and shouts, " _When-ev-er! And I'll be there_."

"What is this? It's awful," Kevin moans. He gets up and goes out into the hallway where the music is even louder. It squeezes his body against his will and he hugs himself to keep it away.

"Justin Bieber!" Joe yells. "You've never heard this before?"

"What is it with Justin Bieber? Is he popular or something?"

Joe stops his flailing long enough to give Kevin the biggest disappointed look ever aimed at him, and he's disappointed a lot of people for a lot of reasons before, but never something like this.

Nick comes upstairs and says something, but nobody can hear it over the music, because he's never yelled in his life. Kevin doesn't think he has that amount of interest in him.

"What?!" Joe says.

Nick takes matters into his own hands and storms into Joe's room himself to turn the music off.

"Mom said to turn it down," Nick says. "Justin Bieber is creepy anyway."

"No he's not," Joe protests.

"How old is he?" Kevin says.

"He's sixteen," Joe says defensively. "So what? He's talented."

"And he has a billion dollars and a weird Christian mom and little girls start riots over him," Nick says.

"Ew," Kevin says. He can't imagine being that young and successful, with tons of money and a mob of screaming girls all around him wherever he went. Thank God he's too old to even consider that happening for him now. Well, it probably wouldn't work out that way, anyway. He's not exactly a shining beauty bringing ships to shore. Maybe if Joe wanted to do that, he could. Nick is too much of a cornhole.

"Breakfast is almost ready," Nick informs them as he goes back downstairs.

"Is Dad home yet?" Kevin asks. Their dad has been away from home for a few days. Mom said he had to take a quick trip, but Kevin doesn't know how quick.

"Nah," Joe says. "Why? Is Zac coming over?"

"Zac comes over when Dad's here," Kevin says. "How do I look, though? How do I smell?"

"You could cure sensory deprivation at the South Pole," Joe says seriously.

"What?" Kevin says.

"Let's go eat," Joe slaps the side of Kevin's face before leaping down the stairs.

 

~*~

 

Zac is a little late, but he does end up joining them all for breakfast. He knocks on the back door rather than the front, which is near the kitchen, and Kevin gets up from the table where he's eating with his family, sans father, to greet him at the door and give him a quick kiss good morning. Zac looks tired, and his hair is still wet from his morning shower like he rushed over as soon as he woke up, or as soon as he realized it was breakfast time inbetween fits of not sleeping, anyway.

When Zac goes to Kevin for his kiss, he digs into Kevin's shirt with trembling fingers that grip tight like they couldn't stand not holding on to Kevin. He's breathing like he's got something in his mouth he can barely breathe around.

"What's the matter?" Kevin murmurs. He pulls Zac in close and cards his hand through Zac's wet hair, over and over. There are tangles in it, so he tries to smooth it out.

"I'm sorry," Zac whispers.

"It's okay," Kevin says. "I'm here."

"I don't want you to hate me," Zac says hysterically.

"I could never hate you," Kevin reassures him. He thought Zac was the one holding him together, and he's not sure how or when their roles got reversed.

"You're just - you're more important to me than I was expecting."

"I know," Kevin says. "You're important to me too."

"I know," Zac says. He lays his head on Kevin's shoulder heavily. The repetitive motion of Kevin untangling his hair seems to calm him down a bit, and he sighs deeply. "Is everyone here?"

"Yeah, but we don't have to join them. We can go upstairs if you want, or outside or anywhere."

"No, I want to," Zac smiles.

Kevin thinks that was quite the emotional turnaround. He doesn't know what particularly Zac was upset by, but he's guessing it's about what they talked about the night before. Zac is probably just really missing his family, and Kevin brought up all those feelings by making him go with him to the airport to pick up his brothers and witness their joyous reunion. Kevin feels bad that Zac is sad about being separated from his family, but he didn't know about it. He's determined to make Zac feel as a part of his family as he can.

 

~*~

 

"Good, I'm glad you're here, Zac," Joe says when they get back to the dining room. "I brought something that's gonna make every trip balls."

"I don't want to do drugs with my family," Kevin says. "That's gross."

"It's not drugs," Joe says. "Right?"

"It's not," Nick says. "It's Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets."

"They make sour things taste sweet," Joe says.

"I bought lemons," Mom sing-songs as she brings in bowl of sliced lemons from the kichen. "There's some pineapple and apple slices there, too."

"Okay," Joe says, placing a tablet in everyone's palm, "put one of these in your mouth and don't swallow your spit until it's completely gone. Swish the spit around in your mouth so it completely soaks every nook and cranny."

"I don't get it," Kevin says.

"Neither do I, just do it," Joe says.

They all stand around the dining room table, not talking. The tablets taste like chewable aspirin. He doesn't feel them doing anything, so that's good. Kevin rubs the tablet all over the roof of his mouth to try to make it dissolve faster. Joe finishes dissolving his first, and he takes a lemon slice and devours it.

"Mmph," Joe moans. "This is so cool."

"You done is a miwion time," Nick says with his mouth full of spit.

"So?" Joe says. He shoves a chunk of pineapple in his mouth. "Science is amazing."

Kevin whittles his tablet down to a tiny nub and just swallows the rest of it. He wants to see what the big deal is. When he takes a bite of the lemon slice, half of his tongue picks it up as being the sweetest thing in the world, but the other half must not've gotten coated well enough, because it's sour as hell.

"Ugh," Kevin spits the lemon out. "Mine didn't work all the way."

Zac tries the lemon next. "Oh, wow. It is sweet!" He eats an apple and a pineapple next. "It's like eating candy."

"But it's not!" Joe says.

"No more cavities," Mom says. She seems only mildly impressed, like she's tripped out on crazy flavors before. "Where'd you get these, Joe?"

"Someone at school has a bunch of boxes," Joe says. "I'm totally addicted to them."

"Well, just don't eat too many lemons," Mom says.

Joe starts to whine that he's an adult, and Nick leaves the room with the bowl of fruit.

Zac leans in to whisper into Kevin's ear, "I wonder how my dick would taste with these."

"Like apple pie, I'm sure," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

The four of them hang out inside the house most of the day. Joe and Zac spend a large chunk of time teaching Kevin all about Justin Bieber and make him listen to most of Justin Bieber's discography. Kevin's still not a fan by the end of it, but if it makes others happy, he can't hate.

"Can we please go outside?" Nick bugs them. Joe makes to go upstairs. "Without your boombox?"

They don't go outside too far, only making it down to the beach in front of the house. Kevin puts on his swim shorts - he'd get kicked out of Catholic school for wearing them, because they're about 10 inches above the knee, and floral, but he likes them. He asks Zac if he wants to borrow a pair of shorts to swim in, too, but Zac takes one look at what Kevin's wearing and shakes his head fondly.

"I'll borrow some pants to change into," Zac says. "Those look good on you, though."

Zac's gloominess from this morning seems to have completely disappeared, which Kevin is glad for. He can't stand Zac being troubled and not knowing what to do about it. Zac simply existing is usually enough to bring Kevin out of any funk, but he's not sure it's the same for Zac with him.

Kevin wades into the water just far enough so he's not standing on sand at the bottom anymore. Joe and Nick go out even further, like they always do. Metaphor for Kevin's life. Zac paddles around him.

"You ever been surfing?" Zac says. He floats close to Kevin and wraps his legs around Kevin's waist and his arms around Kevin's neck. Kevin starts to sink and has to push himself back up by kicking his feet furiously.

"Me?" Kevin spits water out of his mouth. He fits his arms around Zac's back and feels the lean muscle there. He still doesn't fully understand why Zac is attracted to him when Zac's body is like this and Kevin's is... like that. Zac is fit, and Kevin isn't, and that's that. "No. I don't think I'd be any good at it."

"Maybe me and you can go someday," Zac says, but he sounds far away, looking out at the open water, still holding onto Kevin like a buoy.

"Sure," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

That's the day Kevin's dad comes home from his quick trip. He pays little attention to Kevin and completely ignores Zac's existence while Joe and Nick try to tell him about their adventures away from home. Everyone is aware of how tense the atmosphere is, but nobody knows what to do about it, so they just plow through the evening as best they can. After dinner later, Zac tries to leave.

"I've been here all day," Zac protests when Kevin tries to get him to stay.

"Are you sick of me already?" Kevin says.

"I just don't want to bother you," Zac says, eyeing the living room, where Kevin's mom and dad are watching TV with Joe and Nick.

"You're not bothering me," Kevin rubs his shoulder reassuringly. "Come on, we can go lay down early. You look exhausted."

"Like shit, huh?" Zac smiles sleepily. "I think I'm getting sick."

They say good night to everyone in the house and go up to Kevin's room.

"I don't want that boy in our house anymore," Kevin hears his dad say.

"Which one?" He hears Joe say defensively. It makes Kevin feel good that his brothers will always have his back.

Kevin offers a warm shirt for Zac to wear, but Zac says Kevin is enough.

Kevin props himself up against the headboard and Zac uses his belly as a pillow. Kevin pets his hair while he falls asleep. He's just starting to doze off himself when Zac's phone buzzes on the nighstand. He doesn't want it to disturb Zac right now, so he picks it up to try to turn it off. He can't help it, though, and he looks at who's calling. The screen says _Dylan_. Kevin tries to set the phone back down on the table, but it falls on the floor. He can't reach it from here, no matter how hard he tries to make his arm stretch unnaturally. His reaching jostles Zac awake.

"Mmph," Zac says. "What is it?"

"Your phone was ringing and I accidentally dropped it," Kevin says. "Who's Dylan?"

Zac sits up like he was catapulted. "Where is it?"

"Down there," Kevin says. "I was trying not to wake you."

"What are you doing answering my phone?" Zac is out of bed and searching Kevin's messy floor.

"I didn't answer it, I just looked at it," Kevin says.

"Well, don't," Zac says.

He gets back in bed and grips his phone in his fist instead of holding on to Kevin for the rest of the night.

 

~*~

 

In the morning, Zac is sick. His nose is stuffed up and running at the same time, and his throat is scratchy.

"Good morning," Zac rasps out.

"Hey, sexy voice," Kevin says. "Do you have to go to work?"

"I''m on vacation," Zac says. "Hey, I'm sorry about last night. I'm just really like, protective of my stuff."

"It's okay," Kevin says, though he was confused by the visceral reaction.

"Dylan is my brother," Zac says.

"Oh," Kevin says. He doesn't know what to say, so he just tries to kiss Zac, but Zac pushes him away.

"I don't want you to get sick," Zac says. He turns his head quickly to sneeze into his pillow. A blob of snot comes out.

"Ugh," Zac moans. He throws the snotty pillow on the floor and lays his head flat on the mattress.

"Oh, honey," Kevin says, and then, he freaks out for a minute. He's never called anyone honey in his life. Is Zac interested in being called honey by Kevin? Is Zac Kevin's honey?

Kevin wraps his arm over Zac and scoops him up so his head can lay on Kevin's pillow, right next to Kevin's head. He puts his fingers under Zac's chin to bring their lips together, and he kisses Zac, open-mouthed. Zac's upper lip totally tastes salty with snot, and Kevin doesn't care. Zac is his honey.

Zac tries to leave again, but Kevin stops him. Who's going to take care of Zac while he's sick? Zac insists he doesn't need taking care of, but everyone needs taking care of. Kevin wants to take care of Zac. Mom insists Zac stay, too, and brings some soup up for him at lunchtime. Zac seems grateful for the attentions. Kevin doesn't know the last time Zac got to see his own family, got to be taken care of by them.

Kevin spends his day lying in bed with Zac with the blinds closed, the lights off, and the door halfway open. Kevin likes it - being shut away from the world with Zac. When he puts his hand on Zac's bare skin, he feels the feeling you get when you press down on something in a hot skillet with a spatula, like a sizzling all the way up his arm. He wants to fuck. He doesn't know if Zac is infecting him with his sick germs, or if he's been in bed for too long, but he feels like he's trapped inside a fire. After a little while, inevitably, they discover Zac can breathe through his nose only during the seconds immediately after he has an orgasm. Kevin helps Zac breathe through his nose all afternoon. A few times, Zac helps Kevin lose his breath in return.

Finally, he fingers Zac open with the hand lotion he keeps on his bedside table and fucks him like a slow fever. Zac keeps his eyes closed, and the only way Kevin knows he's not asleep is by the way Zac arches up to move with him, or he squeezes Kevin's arm when Kevin does something particularly good.

Kevin's mom calls up the stairs, "Boys, dinner's ready!"

Kevin comes with a gasp pressed into the hot skin of Zac's shoulder. Fuck, he forgot the door was open. He hopes his dad heard everything.

"Fuck," Zac groans, finishing himself off. He takes a big breath in through his nose while he can.

"Okay," Kevin calls back to his mother, his voice trembling to match his body.

"Fuck, Kevin," Zac chuckles a little, hopefully at Kevin's mom calling them for dinner in the middle of their fucking and not something else.

"Feel better?" Kevin says.

"Much," Zac says, his plugged up nose already back.

"I've never really done that before," Kevin has to admit.

"Fine with me," Zac says, grinning wildly up at him, eyes bright and full. He smacks his hand against the side of Kevin's face and forces him down for a kiss. "Let's get down there before they come up here, shall we?"

Kevin can't believe he was worried about calling Zac his honey earlier when he should've been worried about how he's actually, full-blown in love with Zac.

 

~*~

 

Zac insists he go home the next morning. Kevin goes with him and spends all day in bed with him again while Zac snots and sneezes. Before they go to sleep for the night, Kevin tries to convince him to take some Nyquil, but Zac says he can't mess with that shit. It gives him restless legs.

Zac is propped up over Kevin in the dark on his low bed. It's hot, but the humidity is low, so there's a minimal stickiness in the air. Kevin can hear himself breathing heavily through his mouth - he's probably getting Zac's cold - and he's so incredibly close to sleep when Zac sweeps a finger over Kevin's lower eyelids, taking care to touch every one of Kevin's eyelashes.

"Mm," Kevin groans.

"They do this to people before they execute them by lethal injection," Zac says. His touch is so gentle, so intimate. "To make sure they're paralyzed. How fucked up is that? The last human contact you'd have would be the person killing you touching your eyelashes."

"You're not going to execute me, are you?" Kevin says, his eyes twitching with life. He tries to open them but he can't, and he gets the feeling Zac doesn't want him to, anyway.

"No," Zac says. He lies down next to Kevin but doesn't take his hand off Kevin's face.

 

~*~

 

Kevin is at home alone for the first time in a while. Zac's been busy all week with work, which is unusual. He really just seems as if he's trying to avoid Kevin. Mom took Joe and Nick shopping, and Dad is at work.

Kevin is sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his toes. They're still painted gold, though the tips are chipped here and there. Zac's fingerprints are still all over them. Zac's fingerprints are all over everything about him, he thinks. His mind starts wandering - maybe he should look Zac up on the sex offender registry. Zac got really scared when there was even a hint of the cops showing up, that one time. Maybe he's been in trouble before. He doesn't really know Zac that well at all.

What is he thinking? That's not normal. People can't just go around accusing their boyfriends of being sex offenders. He looks back at his toes.

He wonders if he can get someone he knows to run Zac's prints -- Jesse owes him a favor. He's practically a cop. But he isn't even sure Jesse remembers that, or if he was serious about it - and what's he going to ask, anyway? Hey, can you check the prints on my toenails against your criminal database? Kevin needs to stop thinking like that.

Kevin needs to stop going through the contacts on his phone. He needs to stop dialing Jesse's number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jesse? It's Kevin Jonas."

"Hey Kevin! How's it going? Bro, I just got my girlfriend pregnant."

"Congratulations," Kevin says. "Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Sure," Jesse says. "What is it?"

 

~*~

 

Kevin hopes to hear from Zac before he goes through with this plan. He asks his mom if he can borrow her car as soon as her and his brothers get home, and drives himself into town. Zac doesn't call or stop by. That's not exactly going in his favor right now.

Kevin can't really believe he's doing this. He let himself plant a seed in his mind, and Kevin needs to dig it out before it grows any bigger.

"I must say, this is one of the weirdest favors," Jesse says.

"I know, but it's all I have," Kevin says. Jesse lifts Zac's prints off of Kevin's big toenail and leaves Kevin alone at his desk. He's gone for a while, and when he comes back, he hands Kevin a piece of paper.

"He's clean," Jesse says.

"Thanks," Kevin says to Jesse, almost disappointed that Zac hasn't murdered anyone, so he'd have a valid reason to be upset with him.

"Now you owe me one, dawg," Jesse says.

"I don't think that's how favors work. We're even now."

"No, man, just don't tell anyone I did this."

"Sure, no," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

After days of not seeing Zac at all, he shows up at the house unannounced. Joe answers the door and goes upstairs to get Kevin, who is buried beneath his blankets trying to suffocate himself. He's so pathetic.

Joe feels around on top of tha blankets until he finds where Kevin's head is. Then he grabs it and yells at him like he's deaf. "Zac is here!"

"Okay," Kevin says.

Joe rips the blankets off his, which doesn't really work out, because Kevin is lying on top of them as well as being covered by them. He ends up falling on the floor, too.

"Get up and get down there," Joe says.

Kevin shuffles pathetically down the stairs. Zac is waiting for him outside on the front deck. As soon as he sees Kevin, he smiles sadly. Kevin feels guilt punch him in the gut for getting Zac's _fingerprints tested_. How could he ever do such a thing? Zac's been nothing but good to him the whole time they've been together. Kevin goes outside to join him and shuts the door behind him, but he can see Joe spying on them anyway.

"I'll be your lookout," Joe yells through the glass.

Zac sits down in a chair, and Kevin sits in the one next to him. He presses their shoulders together apologetically. It hasn't been that long, but he missed Zac. He misses people powerfully when they're not with him.

"Is this damp or cold?" Kevin says. He lifts off the chair and sits back down. "Damp."

"Sucks to be you, damp-butt," Zac says.

"I've been damper," Kevin says.

"I thought I better not come by for a while, since your dad wants me dead and all," Zac explains.

"I didn't think you were afraid of him," Kevin says. He lays his head on Zac's shoulder, though it hurts his neck and spine to do so.

"I just didn't want to get caught," Zac says strangely. Caught doing what? Fucking? Kevin wouldn't care about that a bit.

"Well, not to be clingy, but I missed you," Kevin says.

"I missed you, too."

 

~*~

 

Zac stays the night. Kevin doesn't go down for dinner when he's called, and they just stay in bed together, talking.

"I should go back to school," Kevin says. He's playing with Zac's hair, which has gotten long the past few weeks, and flops over his face.

"You should," Zac says, his mouth smashed half into a pillow. "You're very smart."

"Oh, stop," Kevin says faux-bashfully.

"What if I had to leave?" Zac says suddenly.

"If you have to go, that's fine," Kevin says. He was looking forward to waking up with Zac, but it's okay.

"I mean, if I left. Like, the country."

Kevin's heart stops.

"What do you mean?"

"My boss is getting ready to transfer me," Zac says. "To where my brother is. We had a deal, and I finished my project, so he's helping me get there."

"So you _are_ leaving?" Kevin says. "This isn't a what-if scenario."

"I'm leaving," Zac says.

"When?" Kevin says.

His mind is full and blank at the same time. What is he going to do? He wants to be with Zac. He wants to go with Zac, that's his immediate reaction to Zac's leaving. If he had to pack all of his things in 5 minutes, he'd do it.

A door slams downstairs.

"Where is he?" Kevin hears his dad yell.

"Tonight," Zac says. He's getting up and going to the window. You can climb down pretty easily; Kevin's done it before with his brothers. "I had to see you again."

"Where are you going?" Kevin says. He goes to the window and stares dumbly as Zac shimmies out. He feels hysterical but to himself he sounds calm, like this is perfectly normal, like it's what he expected all along.

Zac is halfway out the window and Kevin kisses him goodbye.

His dad storms up the stairs just as Zac is out of the house for good.

"Where is he?" Kevin's dad screams. "He has fucking - sabotaged all of my hard work. Did you help him?"

"He's not here," Kevin says. He doesn't know his dad is talking about at all, but things start to click.

"Get out," Kevin's dad says. "Out of my house!"

Kevin takes his dad's keys from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Zac's car is gone, but he can't be that far yet.

 

~*~

 

Kevin finds Zac's car parked a few miles down the road, at their empty beach. The sun is nearly all the way set, and everything is gold and looks like it's in a dream - it's magic hour.

Zac is sitting on the beach by himself, hugging his knees close to his body.

"I lied to you," Zac says. "I was using you to get back to my family."

It hits Kevin like a cannon ball. The wind is completely knocked out of him, to hear the truth like that. He thinks he might've known all along, that Zac just wormed his way into Kevin's life for his own purposes. That doesn't mean what Kevin felt wasn't real.

"I love you," Kevin says.

"You don't love me," Zac says.

"Yes I do," Kevin says. He sits down carefully next to Zac and puts his arm around him. "Don't argue with me."

"I'm leaving," Zac tries to struggle out of Kevin's hold on him. "Let go of me."

"I can't."

He kisses Zac's cheek, tenderly, his eyelids. Zac's eyelids flutter beneath his lips, and Kevin knows it all wasn't a lie. He knows Zac is still alive and that they love each other, no matter what brought them together.

"I'm leaving, too," Kevin says.

 

~*~ THE END~*~

**Author's Note:**

> Written for jb_bigbang 2010. The biggest, boot-lickingest thanks to th_esaurus for looking this over for me + making me feel miles better about it. Anything that's wrong with it is 100% my fault. It basically ended up being an homage to current pop music anyway. I want someone to read this in 10 years and be like, LOL, WHAT'S WITH 2010?! Time capsule-status!


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